How to be a Stingy Student

College is expensive – FACT. We at Daycourses.com are here to help however and are willing to share our wisdom for free…remember that word; it’s gonna be your favourite one in the coming years and you’ll hear it all too rarely…

First tip; make friends with your Student Officer or Events Organiser. They’re the ones who are in charge of the social side of things and more importantly, drinks promotions. If there’s a night where the first 50 students get two pints free you need to know about it. So ignore any hygiene issues he may have/her annoying habit of quoting Sex and the City at every given moment and plant yourself firmly at their side; at least until re-election time…then it’s your chance to cut out the middle man and raise your profile to become chief in command and ditch that buzz-kill; just be wary of the new guy/girl who laughs way to hard at your Simpsons impressions. They’ve probably hatched the same plan; evil geniuses…

Now that you’re on the road to freebies heaven you need to know how to avoid other costs. It may be scary and tiring but it’s cheap so suck it up…get on yer bike! No more waiting for the bus or being stuck on a crowded, delayed DART for you as you sail past grumpy commuters with a smug smile…just watch out for rogue bus drivers and taxis…they hate cyclists and are out to obliterate every one of them.

Although one and two cents coins might be the most annoying thing since the Crazy Frog ring tone, they add up so make sure to hold on to them. Save them in a big jar in your room and when it fills go to the bank and ruin the tellers morning (if they don’t like counting they shouldn’t be there). Pick up rogue coins on the street; if you’re around someone you want to impress use the whole ‘find a penny pick it up…luck’ thing…it’s cute and will sound much better than ‘yesssss that’s 10 cent so far today!’ (NB being stingy should be a secretive operation in front of members of the opposite sex).

Ads showing good looking students relaxing at barbeques with chilled bottles of well known beer are unrealistic. Don’t get taken in by them. Instead head down to your closest supermarket and buy cans of the cheapest beer on offer. Save time on looking at pesky prices by keeping an eye out for the most colourful can with an unpronounceable name…

Make friends with noodles, and beans; not together though - that would be disgusting. Potatoes are another great cheap choice, and traditional; it’s important to stick to your roots.

If you’re addicted to your morning latte/cappuccino you better break the habit; it’s costing you about €912.50 a year; imagine how many packs of noodles you could buy! So forget the caffeine fix; if you need to stay awake just pinch yourself continually until your arm turns blue….it may hurt but it will be cost effective and you’ll probably increase your pain threshold just in case you ever find yourself in a Jack Bauer torture type scenario.

Avoid eating out; but if you’re forced (e.g. your best mates 21st, you probably can’t avoid) insist on breaking up people into smaller tables; say it’s more personal that way (you really just want to escape the large group gratuity). Never spend money on your gruaig; find a friend with a steady hand. Or if you have no friends look out for hairdressers that run training programmes; they’re usually free or at least discounted.

Go to the cinema before 12; if your object of interest finds it strange that you want to arrange a date for Friday morning then just explain that you’re not a sheep; you’re a wolf. If she/he looks at you strangely then it’s just because they’re intrigued. Bring your student card everywhere and flash it on all available occasions; if the guy in Spar gets annoyed with you asking for a discount on milk just tell him you have a calcium deficiency; confusing people can work wonders.

Improve your blagging skills; try and walk past bouncers with an air of importance and a sideways glance of recognition; if they try and stop you smile and say ‘Seriously lads; I’m in here all the time. I’m a friend of Johns’ (everyone knows a John).

Be aware that these may not always be taken well; some people may catch on to your meanness and confront you about your Scrooge-like ways. In the likely event that this happens tell them that you’re doing undercover research on how to cut corners as a student in Ireland; not only will they back-off but it will make you appear interesting and mysterious. And remember the best things in life can be free (with a little creativity and effort).